Watch Two and a Half Men (2003) Online Free
7.4 Comedy EN 12 Seasons
A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.
Episodes
Season 1 24 episodes
- E01 Pilot
- E02 Big Flappy Bastards
- E03 Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
- E04 If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
- E05 The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump
- E06 Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
- E07 If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
- E08 Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful
- E09 Phase One, Complete
- E10 Merry Thanksgiving
- E11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
- E12 Camel Filters and Pheromones
- E13 Sarah Like Puny Alan
- E14 I Can't Afford Hyenas
- E15 Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
- E16 That Was Saliva, Alan
- E17 Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
- E18 An Old Flame with a New Wick
- E19 I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
- E20 Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
- E21 No Sniffing, No Wowing
- E22 My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
- E23 Just Like Buffalo
- E24 Can You Feel My Finger?
Season 2 24 episodes
- E01 Back Off, Mary Poppins
- E02 Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
- E03 A Bag Full of Jawea
- E04 Go Get Mommy's Bra
- E05 Bad News from the Clinic?
- E06 The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
- E07 A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
- E08 Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
- E09 Yes, Monsignor
- E10 The Salmon Under My Sweater
- E11 Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
- E12 A Lungful of Alan
- E13 Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow (Get Off My Hair)
- E14 Those Big Pink Things with Coconut
- E15 Smell the Umbrella Stand
- E16 Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?
- E17 Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!
- E18 It Was Mame, Mom
- E19 A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise
- E20 I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
- E21 A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
- E22 That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
- E23 Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
- E24 Does This Smell Funny to You?
Season 3 24 episodes
- E01 Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
- E02 Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
- E03 Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
- E04 Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
- E05 We Called It Mr. Pinky
- E06 Hi, Mr. Horned One
- E07 Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
- E08 That Voodoo That I Do Do
- E09 Madame and Her Special Friend
- E10 Something Salted and Twisted
- E11 Santa's Village of the Damned
- E12 That Special Tug
- E13 Humiliation Is a Visual Medium
- E14 Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
- E15 My Tongue is Meat
- E16 Ergo, the Booty Call
- E17 The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer
- E18 The Spit-Covered Cobbler
- E19 Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
- E20 Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
- E21 And the Plot Moistens
- E22 Just Once with Aunt Sophie
- E23 Arguments for the Quickie
- E24 That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
Season 4 24 episodes
- E01 Working for Caligula
- E02 Who's Vod Kanockers?
- E03 The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
- E04 A Pot Smoking Monkey
- E05 A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
- E06 Apologies for the Frivolity
- E07 Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
- E08 Release the Dogs
- E09 Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
- E10 Kissing Abraham Lincoln
- E11 Walnuts and Demerol
- E12 Castrating Sheep in Montana
- E13 Don't Worry, Speed Racer
- E14 That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
- E15 My Damn Stalker
- E16 Young People Have Phlegm Too
- E17 I Merely Slept with a Commie
- E18 It Never Rains in Hooterville
- E19 Smooth as a Ken Doll
- E20 Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
- E21 Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
- E22 Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
- E23 Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin'
- E24 Prostitutes and Gelato
Season 5 19 episodes
- E01 Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
- E02 Media Room Slash Dungeon
- E03 Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
- E04 City of Great Racks
- E05 Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
- E06 Help Daddy Find His Toenail
- E07 Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
- E08 Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
- E09 Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids
- E10 Kinda Like Necrophilia
- E11 Meander to Your Dander
- E12 A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
- E13 The Soil Is Moist
- E14 Winky-Dink Time
- E15 Rough Night in Hump Junction
- E16 Look At Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
- E17 Fish in a Drawer
- E18 If My Hole Could Talk
- E19 Waiting for the Right Snapper
Season 6 24 episodes
- E01 Taterhead Is Our Love Child
- E02 Pie Hole, Herb
- E03 Damn You, Eggs Benedict
- E04 The Flavin' and the Mavin'
- E05 A Jock Strap in Hell
- E06 It's Always Nazi Week
- E07 Best H.O. Money Can Buy
- E08 Pinocchio's Mouth
- E09 The Mooch at the Boo
- E10 He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
- E11 The Devil's Lube
- E12 Thank God for Scoliosis
- E13 I Think You Offended Don
- E14 David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
- E15 I'd Like to Start with the Cat
- E16 She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime
- E17 The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?
- E18 My Son's Enormous Head
- E19 The Two Finger Rule
- E20 Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau
- E21 Above Exalted Cyclops
- E22 Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
- E23 Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth
- E24 Baseball Was Better with Steroids
Season 7 22 episodes
- E01 818-jklpuzo
- E02 Whipped Unto the Third Generation
- E03 Mmm, Fish. Yum.
- E04 Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
- E05 For the Sake of the Child
- E06 Give Me Your Thumb
- E07 Untainted by Filth
- E08 Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
- E09 Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
- E10 That's Why They Call It Ball Room
- E11 Warning, It's Dirty
- E12 Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
- E13 Yay, No Polyps!
- E14 Crude and Uncalled For (1)
- E15 Aye, Aye, Captain Douche (2)
- E16 Tinkle Like a Princess
- E17 I Found Your Moustache
- E18 Ixnay on the Oggie Day
- E19 Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave
- E20 I Called Him Magoo
- E21 Gumby with a Pokey
- E22 This Is Not Gonna End Well
Season 8 16 episodes
- E01 Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
- E02 A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
- E03 A Pudding-Filled Cactus
- E04 Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
- E05 The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
- E06 Twanging Your Magic Clanger
- E07 The Crazy Bitch Gazette
- E08 Springtime on a Stick
- E09 A Good Time in Central Africa
- E10 Ow, Ow, Don't Stop
- E11 Dead from the Waist Down
- E12 Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
- E13 Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup
- E14 Lookin' for Japanese Subs
- E15 Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
- E16 That Darn Priest
Season 9 24 episodes
- E01 Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
- E02 People Who Love Peepholes
- E03 Big Girls Don't Throw Food
- E04 Nine Magic Fingers
- E05 A Giant Cat Holding a Churro
- E06 The Squat and the Hover
- E07 Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
- E08 Thank You for the Intercourse
- E09 Frodo's Headshots
- E10 A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
- E11 What a Lovely Landing Strip
- E12 One False Move, Zimbabwe!
- E13 Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
- E14 A Possum on Chemo
- E15 The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
- E16 Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
- E17 Not in My Mouth!
- E18 The War Against Gingivitis
- E19 Palmdale, Ech
- E20 Grandma's Pie
- E21 Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'
- E22 Why We Gave Up Women
- E23 The Straw in My Donut Hole
- E24 Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
Season 10 23 episodes
- E01 I Changed My Mind About the Milk
- E02 A Big Bag of Dog
- E03 Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
- E04 You Do Know What the Lollipop Is For
- E05 That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam
- E06 Ferrets, Attack!
- E07 Avoid the Chinese Mustard
- E08 Something My Gynecologist Said
- E09 I Scream When I Pee
- E10 One Nut Johnson
- E11 Give Santa a Tail-Hole
- E12 Welcome to Alancrest
- E13 Grab a Feather and Get in Line
- E14 Run, Steven Staven! Run!
- E15 Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It
- E16 Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby
- E17 Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries
- E18 The 9:04 from Pemberton
- E19 Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon
- E20 Bazinga! That's From a TV Show
- E21 Another Night with Neil Diamond
- E22 My Bodacious Vidalia
- E23 Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped
Season 11 22 episodes
- E01 Nangnangnangnang
- E02 I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
- E03 This Unblessed Biscuit
- E04 Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank
- E05 Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003
- E06 Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
- E07 Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie
- E08 Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.
- E09 Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer
- E10 On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!
- E11 Tazed in the Lady Nuts
- E12 Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.
- E13 Bite Me, Supreme Court
- E14 Three Fingers of Creme de Menthe
- E15 Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin
- E16 How to Get Rid of Alan Harper
- E17 Welcome Home, Jake
- E18 West Side Story
- E19 Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang
- E20 Lotta Delis in Little Armenia
- E21 Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot
- E22 Oh, WALD-E, Good Times Ahead
Season 12 16 episodes
- E01 The Ol' Mexican Spinach
- E02 A Chic Bar in Ibiza
- E03 Glamping in a Yurt
- E04 Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight
- E05 Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.
- E06 Alan Shot a Little Girl
- E07 Sex with an Animated Ed Asner
- E08 Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey
- E09 Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey
- E10 Here I Come, Pants!
- E11 For Whom the Booty Calls
- E12 A Beer-Battered Rip-Off
- E13 Boompa Loved His Hookers
- E14 Don't Give a Monkey a Gun
- E15 Of Course He's Dead (1)
- E16 Of Course He's Dead (2)
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